It saddens me when I read about the Malaysian student from Kampung Laut, Chendering, Terengganu, who was murdered by another fellow Malaysian student in Egypt a few days back. I can only express deep condolences and sympathy to both sets of parents.
My friends from UiTM Negeri Sembilan, UiTM Melaka, UiTM Penang, UPSI (Universiti Perguruan Sultan Idris) and I were fortunate to obtain a grant from URDC UiTM Negeri Sembilan to do a research on the modelling of causal relations between emotional intelligence (EQ), managerial intelligence and the intelligence quotient (IQ) from 2003 - 2006. I learnt a lot while gathering information in the process of completing this project.
What I can conclude here is that, while we as parents stress the importance of IQ , we should never ever neglect about our children's state of EQ. Nobody is perfect. Everybody makes parenting mistakes in the process of bringing up our own children. Hopefully we learn from our mistakes and realize them before it is too late.
In my opinion, a husband should try to provide a stable (financially, emotionally) and conducive environment when he plans to start a family. When the wife is pregnant, he should make sure that she is happy, well fed and well taken care of. This is important because whatever condition she goes through during her pregnancy will have later effects (positive or negative) on her baby. So no drugs, no smoking and totally no alchohol should be consumed before, during and after pregnancy by both parents.
Through my own experience and through reading, I noticed that if a woman is most of the time happy during her pregnancy, usually the foetus, when he/she comes out is an easy -to- managed baby ( in other words, a happy baby, a baby who cries only when he/she is hungry or wet). On the other hand, if a woman is sad or most of the time emotionally unstable or depressed during her pregnancy, then there's a high possibility that her baby will be a very trying, crying, wailing baby....
Somehow, the mother-to-be's sad emotions is transferred to the baby. I guess that's why in the traditional old Malay community, whenever a woman gets pregnant, all her wishes (especially if she desires to eat anything) are entertained even though it's something quite ridiculous to be obtained. Most probably, the old folks want to make sure the foetus is happy.
As Muslims, it's best that both parents-to-be recite the Quran regularly especially suurah Lukman, Yusuf and Maryam. When the child is born, feed him with halal foods only which should be obtained through halal means. While the child is growing up, live according to the sunnah of the prophet.... A child learns best through living examples set by the parents (they are the very first and most effective role models in the child's life) and the environment around him. Be fair to him and his siblings.
Let the children mix around with good company. Choose your children's friends. Teach your children to learn to give and take and learn to accept defeat (in sports, school exams) gracefully and graciously. Winning is not everything in anything else, but winning Allah's pleasure should mean everything to the child.
Teaching a child about moral values or about anything at all from a very young tender age is like writing on a stone. It will stick in his mind and he will remember whatever that is being preached unto him for his whole life, insya Allah. He may not seem to obey you now, but trust me, it will take effect in his later years, insya Allah.
gordevs@yahoo.com wrote this:
Give your child all the love he needs.
Give him care - continuously, consistently. It's essential for his mental development.
Give him your time. The hours you spend with him mean more than you will ever imagine.
Give him opportunities. To learn and experience new things. This enriches his mind.
Give him encouragement. In work and play. Do not limit his attempts at exploring, imitating, creating, imagining and constructing.
Give him responsibilities, starting with simple chores. It's good training, and makes him feel useful.
Give him the right to be different. He's unique- don't compare him with his brothers or sisters.
Give him praise. For all his achievements. But even more - for all his effort in trying, even if he fails.
Give him your understanding. Consider his age and temperament when you show disapproval. You may reject his behaviour, but never the child.
Give him reassurance - constantly. Never withdraw from him. Or threaten to stem your love or give him away.
Give him everything he needs. Expect nothing in return. You chose to have him - he did not choose to have you. So teach him respect for elders and filial piety.
Believe it or not, between a high IQ score and a high EQ score, employers tend to give priority to choose those with a higher EQ score (even though they have lesser IQ score). Employees with a higher EQ score can work better with their counterparts, easier to manage (they cause less problems) and perform better on the job. So, when your children are still in school or university, make sure they learn all the soft skills; how to socialize, how to communicate effectively their ideas, their feelings, how to vent their anger and disappointment through the proper channels. Children pick up these skills through their co-curriculum and sports activities without them even realizing it.
Lastly... You can't protect your children all the time. After all your painstaking efforts, pray to Allah ... a lot! Hopefully our children will be amongst those people whom Allah is pleased with them. If Allah is pleased with them, then everything else is guaranteed. Rest reassured that they will do fine in life, insya Allah. You can then walk tall. Ameen.
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